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“My name is Ashley Kim (they/them/she), I was born in Fresno, California then moved to Hollister, California. I identify as a nonbinary feminine-East Asian American person, and I am passionate about my artwork and making people feel some type of way with my work as it showcases how I personally feel. Other things I would like to share are that intersectionality-wise, I am bipolar (specifically bipolar 1) and a lot of my artwork is about my identity and further the struggles with my mental health and lived-in experiences”

 

“Art is my form of expression because coming from an Asian family, it’s very hard to vocalize accurately how I feel so I focus on specifically the visual aspect of my experiences and emotions. When I create my art, I often have this feeling of something so manic ripping me apart or being torn out of me that I can only visualize it. When I show others my visualized emotions, it’s almost like we come to a mutual agreement that it’s an incredibly intense and scary feeling; like they can feel my hurt too.”

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“I’ve realized my heart is connected to my queer identity but it’s something that I’ve never really talked about (or never was given the chance to). I did come out to my parents a few times because I surely did not know what was going on and what I was feeling, I just knew it was…different. I experienced some crazy stuff that a woman should never have to experience and because I found comfort in my art, I was able to accurately tell people why it hurts to be born trans. Not because I’m ashamed of my sexual identity but because it hurts to not be taken seriously by the people around me and that they don’t realize how comfortable and happy I am to finally have the freedom and choice to express myself. Though I’m in a safe place now where I’m able to express who I truly feel I am, others still perceive me differently than I’d wish.”

 

“I feel like my art is affected by my queerness and experiences because of how it seriously shaped my identity and became a solution for the violence that consumed my mind. I never really had a method to show my genuine feelings and how my heart felt. Though everyone said it was sweet to be so artistic so young, I was a lonely kid with no other way to show it. I felt like I was the only person that had these really big feelings that I couldn’t accurately describe. Once I figured out that I could draw, I was able to draw the heartaches that formed and never went away. As I continued, my art visibly changed so much because of the effort I put into it. It meant the world to me that no one could create something the way I could make it.”

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“Now living in San Fransisco, I felt the beauty of it’s acceptance and diversity. As a studio art major, I have a lot of art classes with queer and AAPI individuals so it was very easy for me to become more associated with various communities that gave me a sense of belonging. I realized I feel most at home with the trans people in my life as I became more educated and aware that I could explore my sexuality. This community embraced me and taught me the grey area of what it is to be trans.”

 

“The support I have outside of my family is very very large because I’m friends with other queer POC. I feel like now I’m able to openly see everything with compassion and I couldn’t have asked for more. In reference to my lack of support, I think it forms from my parents not being as compassionate and understanding (nor open-minded). It was always black and white for them. I’ll always feel like I have to struggle no matter how I showcase myself to them, either it be who I truly am and face their judgment or forcefully hide my identity; so what’s the point? But from my two sisters and my aunt, it felt like they genuinely saw me. I didn’t really know what to say when they knew but you know…who really knows what to say in that slight shift and change in things. But I knew I was very happy. At least I had some family who understood, it genuinely felt like I was going to die alone keeping a secret if they didn’t know. I think my family does support my art but I know that it’s hard for my parents to see my struggles and that’s understandable too. I can see they appreciate a lot that I’ve found my passion for something. It’s more about the message behind my artwork that kind of feels foggy and full of concern to them. However, for my sisters, I feel like they understand me and my work but to a certain extent. It feels kind of funny? Almost like it’s still unreal but it’s nothing bad at all…I’m okay with this.”

 

 

 

“Lately when I start a project, it’ll usually differ between two subjects. One is about myself and typically it’s not extremely happy. I have no other way to express the negative parts I feel about myself so that’s what I put onto the page (the negative parts usually being the experiences I’ve been going through). The other subject is how I draw and perceive other people. How I feel incredibly happy to draw those people, to paint those people like my best friend, significant other, or even my sisters. I think of them very fondly and very sweet. So when I start to feel happy in my work is when I’m accurately depicting my emotions. Visually, it looks very aesthetic to me and to others because of the color. Color is a big part of my work and it just makes a lot of sense to me, when everything is just right and all the decisions are made…everything makes sense. Nothing feels like a mistake when I create something so that’s why I continue to make art because even though I’m overwhelmed with bad emotions, I can still feel content about how I’m able to execute my feelings onto paper.”

 

(!!Mentions of SA!!) “As an AAPI queer individual, I’ve experienced a lot more than I wish I did. As a feminine presenting person, you experience a lot of disgusting behavior towards feminality and people who use your race as a factor on whether or not they should talk or approach you. Both of these issues, I go through on a daily basis but recently since I’ve started dating, I realize that people do not care about my identity when it comes to someone who is masculine, this could be a straight cyst man or a masculine-nonbinary person. I realized these are the majority of people attracted to me. They still see me as a woman even though I only ever become feminine on special occasions. This mindset of masculinity is what led to me being SA…because they only see me as a woman and nothing more. This is the exact reason why I draw with only myself in mind and how it affects someone like me.”

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“Here are some words of encouragement…I’d say if you’re upset and words do not fully express it, then art is an option that can be best for you. If you do not have any kind of medication or consistently supportive people you can always talk to, you can make some beautiful stuff from something very very ugly. As a person that uses this method and is also medicated, I want you to feel better. I want you to feel better and use ways that you can reflect on yourself and to get to know yourself better, not just to make yourself feel something but to also make others feel even an ounce of what you’ve always felt. Create something to make others see and try to understand what you’re experiencing so it’s not a lonely feeling anymore.”