An Awareness Raising Toolkit For
Hanwen Z. - Asian American Queer Poet
Artist Statement/Preface: I cannot say that my poems had any conclusive meaning to them. When I was writing them, I only wanted release to the turbulent emotions that were bubbling in my mind. If I did not write and translate my thoughts to words, I feel they would have continued boiling until they exploded. As such, it was necessary to transform them into a work of art. I did not write with the intent of conveying any advice or solutions. I myself had no idea what I needed to do in order to discern who I was, and thus the perspective these poems bring to the table is a confused and disoriented one. What they are, however, is a very accurate depiction of a person in deep emotional distress. Though the specific situation that I had to undergo with my parents can only be applicable to myself, the frustration and sadness that I express are universal. I hope that when another person reads them, they will be comforted by the fact that they are not alone in their pain. - Hanwen Z
"Winter Formal" A Poem by Hanwen Z. Winter Formal I consider her, Your winter formal partner. And your circle of smiling friends. —And I, A crashing high school student On my bedroom floor. Crashing through The layers of my jenga tower life. Always reluctant To speak my mind. Always struggling To let go and cry. In my mind, at least, Bursts forth a loud cry To demand why My hopes turn out to be nothing but lies. Lies that I use to pamper myself (And which reality denies). Silence. God or Buddha or whoever’s in charge Has declined to respond. Still, I, Laughing bitterly at the fading of the light Will with teary eye remember That quiet little flame Sparked in November. And how because of me — Me, me, me And my cold mechanical killing! — It was torn apart and sundered. But even then my little flame went on, Groaning and crying, Trudging ahead despite being dead. And still it groans and cries And lives and dies tonight, As the distance by distance belied Becomes ever clearer to my eye. And now I Standing in the dim kitchen light Remind myself that if God (Or Buddha, or Allah, or the genetic lottery) Decides to screw me over, Then — struggle as I might — It’ll be the same as the last guy, And the guy before that guy: I Will watch as another quivering flame Burns away for the last time— (Forever A human genome away from paradise). *This is a poem I wrote being frustrated that none of the people I loved could ever truly love me back.
"Deliverance" A Poem by Hanwen Z. Deliverance Cleft in two, shattered into pieces. Repress, trample — Of jagged emotions, do not speak. This cold killing of the soul. The festering of a secret left untold. Bit by bit, it corrodes. If only you had been more bold. Your portrait, its colors irrevocably dulled. Once so vibrant, this bleak, interminable world — Of it I have had my full. I pray and pray for release. And hope to finally receive— Deliverance. *This is a poem I wrote in the midst of intense conflict between me and my parents. I wanted to tell my mother certain things, but I was afraid of the resulting consequences. However, I was also pained by being silent. It seemed to me that I would be in pain no matter what option I chose, so I appealed to the idea of a higher power “delivering” me from my situation.
Queer AA/PI Poetry Analysis
