Everything Everywhere All At Once is an extraordinarily ambitious film. Focusing on the mundane and bitter lives of Evelyn Quan Wang, her husband Waymond, and her daughter Joy, we enter a thrilling saga spanning multiple universes to portray a relationship that transcends space and time. The movie explores themes of nihilism, Asian American identity, and intergenerational trauma. Particularly important is the development of Jobu Tupaki – the name given to a version of Joy who ascended to a higher plane of being after having her consciousness spread across the multiverse. The relationship between Joy and Evelyn perfectly encapsulates the difficulty of being accepted as a queer child by an ethnic parent: though both love each other, neither seems to be able to connect with the other. Joy, in her omniscient state, loses faith in everything and adopts nihilism. But by the end, Evelyn and Joy are able to fully understand each other. Proper communication, something Evelyn struggled to do in the beginning of the movie, acts as the bridge to connect their estranged selves; unconditional love and acceptance the balm to their scars and regrets. Everything Everywhere All At Once proposes simple answers to complex questions. All one needs to do for the world is to be kind, to hold people tight and assure them they will always be loved. The universe may be far bigger than any of us can imagine, so much so that nothing we do truly matters. But be that as it may, we can still cherish the small specks of happiness that drift our way. 

Joy’s relationship with her mother is one where neither side is able to connect with each other despite wanting to be accepted by the other. The basis upon which tensions form lies with Evelyn’s own unwillingness to accept Joy as a person. Alpha Waymond sums up how Evelyn feels perfectly: “Something is wrong… How can we get back?” Evelyn feels as if there is something “wrong” with Joy because she is unable to accept Joy simply the way she is. She constantly searches for a version of Joy to “get back” even though that version of Joy doesn’t exist. Much of their dynamic is colored by Evelyn’s experience as an immigrant and also by Evelyn’s ethnicity and culture. Evelyn holds many conservative views: she considers Joy to be a failure because she wasn’t able to go to college, she disapproves of the Joy's clothing and tattoos, and she is unable to accept Joy’s identity as a lesbian. Evelyn pins Joy’s relationship with Becky as being the fault of Jobu Tupaki. “You are why she thinks she is gay,” she says. Being gay, to Evelyn, isn’t an identity, but an ideology a person can adopt. It's just a phase, something that a person might pick up and wear as part of a trend, nothing legitimate. By characterizing homosexuality as such, Evelyn is able to reject her daughter’s identity. Although it isn’t directly stated in the movie, it's implied that Asian culture is generally more unaccepting of homosexuality. The scientific literature states a variety of reasons for this: because Asian culture places more emphasis on community and family heritage, concepts such as homosexuality are seen as threats to strict gender roles and continuation of the family name. Sex in Chinese culture is also something that is strictly taboo. Because sexual identities don’t figure a part in daily conversation, people with queer identities are subsequently erased. Though Evelyn claims that she accepts Becky, she acts extremely passive aggressive towards her. When Becky comes over to their house in the beginning of the movie, Evelyn complains “Now I have to cook more food,” making it clear that Becky is not a welcome presence but a burden. Evelyn misgenders Becky, calling her “him,” using the lack of gendered pronouns in the Chinese language as an excuse, and complaining about the masculine way Becky dresses. Here, Evelyn firmly adheres to strict gender roles that deem how a woman should act. Becky, who dresses and acts more stereotypically masculine, is seen as abnormal by Evelyn. Furthermore, when Joy attempts to introduce Becky to her grandfather as her girlfriend, Evelyn shuts Joy down, saying that Becky is just a “very good friend.” Evelyn considers Joy’s identity not as something to be proud of, but something to be ashamed of.

Evelyn’s own familial trauma also influences the way she treats Joy. In a flashback to Evelyn’s birth, it’s revealed that Evelyn’s father was disappointed by not having a son. From her very birth, Evelyn was already being rejected. When Evelyn elopes with Waymond, her father disowns her. Evelyn’s relationship with Joy is colored very much by her own experiences: she does unto Joy what her father did to her. Evelyn considers herself to be accepting of Joy. After all, at least she accepts Becky, at least she doesn’t disown Joy, but in reality she is just repeating a cycle of abuse. 

From the beginning of the movie, it’s established that Evelyn has difficulties communicating with Joy, both because she rejects Joy’s advances to reach out to her, and because she is unable to put her own emotions into words. A common quip made about Asian parents is that they are never able to show affection directly, and can only do so through being overly critical. Evelyn perfectly embodies this stereotype. When Joy is about to leave with Becky, Evelyn walks up to Joy and says that she has something she needs to tell her, but is unable to get the words out. There’s a moment of silence where Joy looks almost expectedly at Evelyn, where it seems as if Evelyn will say something touching, but what instead comes out is criticism, “You need to eat healthier. You are getting fat.” Joy knows that Evelyn says this because she cares; however, she can’t help but feel miserable, knowing that Evelyn doesn’t truly accept her. 

It is precisely because Joy loves Evelyn and values her mother that she feels the pain of rejection so deeply. Joy, in her omniscient and omnipotent state, is able to feel the pain of all of the Joy’s across the multiverse. Surprisingly, though, Joy seems to have transcended the stage of caring about whether or not Evelyn is homophobic. When Joy complains, “You’re still hung up over the fact that I like girls in this universe?” she implies the existence of universes where Evelyn accepts Joy’s identity. Joy has reached a state of being where it doesn’t matter if she receives love from a human Evelyn. It’s just a “statistical inevitability,” something that’s bound to occur at least once across an infinite multiverse. Thus, Evelyn’s acceptance of Joy’s sexual identity is not Joy’s true goal. However, Evelyn’s acceptance and love for Joy does end up being what Joy ultimately needs. Ostentatiously, Joy’s goal is to finally rid herself of pain by destroying herself with the all powerful bagel she created. Before committing suicide, however, she states that she first wanted to find “someone who could see what I see. Feel what I feel” in the hope that they could provide a solution she had overlooked. It’s significant to note, however, that no matter the universe, Evelyn is always the person who Joy seeks out. On a deeper level, Joy’s searching for Evelyn reveals her internal desire to be loved and accepted by her. When Joy prepares to step into the bagel, she puts her hand in Evelyn’s, and says, “At least this way I don’t have to do it alone.” In this moment, it becomes clear that Joy is at heart a wounded child, yearning for the protection and love of her mother. 

Evelyn, momentarily overwhelmed by the nihilism of the bagel, is pulled back when Deidre unexpectedly gives the Wangs yet another extension on their deadline. Evelyn is visibly distraught by this small act of compassion, but Joy dismisses it as yet another “statistical inevitability.” Evelyn hesitates, however, because when she asks Waymond how he managed to convince Deidre to give them an extension, he simply says, “I just talked to her.” It seems strange that Waymond, someone who never fights, who is blindly, recklessly kind, is able to exert so much influence. It seems strange that Deidre, the person who has been ruthlessly pursuing the Wangs, would relent and show mercy at such a critical juncture. It seems ridiculous that simply talking could be so powerful. However, it is. The solution that Waymond presents in the face of overwhelming adversity and nihilism is to “Be kind… especially when we don’t know what’s going on.” When Evelyn later goes out to ask why Deidre would extend their deadline, Deidre reveals that when she was divorced herself, she drove a car through her neighbors house. Deidre, hearing about Waymond’s decision to divorce Evelyn, recognizes the precarious state of mind that Evelyn must be in, and decides to be kind. Nearing the finale, when Evelyn confronts Joy in front of the bagel, Joy immediately assumes a fighting stance, but Evelyn spreads her arms out wide to accept her. Her message is clear: Evelyn has horribly hurt Joy, but now, no matter what, there will always be a place for Joy to return to. 

Joy rejects this. To her, this kindness is meaningless in the face of all the “Fractured moments, contradictions and confusions… with only a few specks of time where any of this makes sense.” The scene switches to another universe, where Evelyn reaches out for Joy just before she gets into her car and drives away, paralleling the beginning of the movie. This time, however, Evelyn expresses directly to Joy how much she means to her. Joy asks Evelyn why Evelyn would choose to save her. “Why not go somewhere where your daughter is more than just this?” she says, referring to her own shattered state of mind, and how Joy was never able to live up to Evelyn's expectations. Evelyn doesn’t reject this, but surprisingly affirms it. She agrees, saying that Joy is “stubborn, aimless, a mess," but that none of it matters. “There is always something to love,” and the simple fact that they are mother and daughter is more than enough for Evelyn to want to be by Joy's side. In response to nihilism, Evelyn presents the same solution that Waymond did: love and acceptance. The Evelyn that the movie focuses on is the worst Evelyn out of all the timelines. She is the accumulation of all of the failures across the multiverse. But rather than despairing over this, she recognizes and accepts that “every disappointment, every rejection led [her] here.” “Nothing matters,” but because nothing matters, they are free. Joy despairs that no happiness is eternal, and that everything is always balanced out by an equal amount of sadness, but this also means that no matter what happens, there will always be good things in waiting in store. What’s important is to cherish the specks of happiness that will inevitably come their way, using them amulets and safeguards for whatever dark times are to come. Above all, throughout all of that, Evelyn will be there with her to weather through the disappointments, and to celebrate the small joys.